last night's dream
03 April 2009
Last night's dream

I was standing in an all-white suit with a cheap white guitar, playing the guitar part to 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' in an empty garage. Then I walked out onto a balcony and saw this guy Stephen coming towards me (who in real life I was giving Ruby on Rails lessons to before he sacked me because I wouldn't help him cheat on a job application). He told me that he needed to write a letter to his church pastor, and he would pay me €20 if I did. I wrote the letter, which urged the pastor to check out Captain Beefheart's Safe As Milk album. Just before printing the letter I edited it to say Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band.

29 March 2009
Last night's dream

I worked at my undergraduate University in cloning research, and my friend Adam and I really wanted to clone this one other professor. We heard a rumour that he had collected his sperm into a baby bottle and buried it somewhere on the University grounds, 20 years earlier, but everyone was afraid to ask him about it. We used some occult ouija-board technique to discover where it was buried (under a bush in front of the student union) and dug it up. It was still warm. Before we could do our genetic research, we had to test the sperm sample at a dinner party, by hiding it amongst the food. Not in a disgusting way where people would eat it, but we had to put the baby bottle on the table, and strangely no one could see it even though they were looking right at it.
In the second part of the dream I was in the room my mother uses for her sewing work and I somehow knew that there was a door in the ceiling that had been plastered over.

22 March 2009
Last night's dream

A nightmare; a repetitive loop. I was standing in the bathroom at my parents' house, trying to take a shower. I kept removing my t-shirt and finding that I had another layer on, but it was impossible to fully remove my clothing.

10 February 2009
Last night's dream

On one of the music mailing lists I'm on, the guy who runs Scat Records announced that he was going away for a few weeks and he needed a house-sitter, but Steelers fans would be preferred. I wrote him back and said I would love to spend a few weeks in Columbus. Then I went back to my endless activity - tracing over the coastlines of all Northern European countries in an atlas, using a mechanical pencil. I noticed some weird fjords in Norway that looked like rifles or something. Then I went there, and saw that on this mountain cliff there were three giant telescopes mounted, which is what looked like rifles in the coastline. I walked inland a bit, along a wooded path, and came to a fence. Mounted on top of the fence were four wicker baskets, where local farmers were encouraged to place extra crops to freely exchange. The four baskets were for blueberries, blackberries, eggplant, and squash. All of them were full, but the fruit/veg inside were somewhat misshapen (though huge). I took a few blueberries that were the side of golfballs, some bigger, and strangely elongated and ugly. I knew my partner would be excited at free blueberries, and huge ones too. Before I could see her again I had to fly home to see my parents. I left the blueberries with a note. and then suddenly was at my parents' house. I was sitting on the front porch and my Dad's two sisters had come over to visit. My one aunt was showing me her passport, which she had modified to include a big fold-out section with photos of the entire family at different points in our lives, though badly photoshopped for comedic effect. My aunt had an afro in her own photo, and the pictures of me from high school were altered in some strange way that I wasn't very comfortable with. She had spent a lot of money to do this. I reached for my own passport and then realised that it had not been stamped or even checked at any point in the journey between Norway and the US. I became panicked at this but my mother laughed and handed me the phone. It was her friend, who needed help with her broadband setup. I was not in the mood to do this, and felt it would be impossible to explain over the phone anyway. I told her I would come over some time to see it, a bit rudely, and hung up. In the meantime my father and his side of the family were spraying water around the yard with the garden hose, and everyone was lounging around in pools of soapy water in the grass. I felt disgusted at them all, and started to go up to my old room. My mother stopped me to say we were all going out to eat but I told her I had too much work to do at my day job and i wasn't hungry anyway. In my room, there were still some dirty clothes on the floor from when I had last visited over a year ago.

17 December 2008
Last night's dream

I was involved in some sort of thrilling hostage situation at a public library where I worked. I did the IT support and someone was holding me and my staff at gunpoint. The library was a huge circular tower, maybe 30 floors, and were somewhere around floor 23 and I needed to do something to a server on the 26th floor. The gunmen were controlling exactly what I could do, but they also needed me so they were letting me on the server a bit.

Somehow I "escaped" and went down to the street level. The front door of the library was a giant bank vault door that opened inward. There was a small elephant that they kept chained just inside the doorway; she was trained to close the door when people left. The library was deserted and I left, but freed the elephant. It ran out of the building and into the streets, and also a tiger appeared from somewhere.

15 December 2008
Last night's dream

I was running the camera/sound on a Louis Theroux episode. Louis and I were in a big muddy tunnel that was semi-underground and there were rats everywhere. We were done filming for the day so I suggested we go have a drink somewhere. The woman he was interviewing came along and we went back to Louis' flat, which was small and kinda crummy. The woman's name was Stoney Farnsworth and I made a joke about her sounding posh. Louis looked bad - he started to talk about these problems he was having with his roommates. Then, the 3 roommates came into the kitchen, where we were sitting. They were kinda tough, ugly people, and they confronted Louis about something. Stoney and I went into the other room cause it was getting awkward and talked about something for awhile. Then we went into the bathroom, where Louis was crying. His roommates had put him in a wig and dressed him all grunge, and he looked like Kurt Cobain.

14 March 2008
Last night's dream

I had invented a machine, about 3 feet high by 4 feet wide and maybe 2 feet deep, that could tell what any person in the room had recently eaten (or any food at any stage of the digestive process). The machine would then write poetry based on these foods, which it spat out on a little ticker tape.

10 March 2008
Last night's dream

Milli Vanilli - somehow I had to deliver a weird wooden cart from Brighton to East Anglia to present to the members of Milli Vanilli. After I pulled it a few feet I looked and it was solid, but it was supposed to be hollow. It was made out of logs. I abandoned it and went home.

07 March 2008
Last night's dream

David Beckham had a secret wife and kid that no one knew about - he just stayed married to posh spice in the eyes of the media. The secret family lived in the North of England, county Durham somewhere, and we were friends so they invited us over. We had tea and then we all went to this local community center, where his son was playing deck hockey. I was helping to coach him. Everything was pretty nice.